Getting Back Up After Three Quick Deaths in the Family – It takes time!

The death of a loved one is always difficult, whether it’s a sudden death or even if it’s after a prolonged illness. The price we pay for loving is grief and mourning after the loved one goes home to God. Within the span of 21 months, my mom, my dad, and my brother Tom entered eternal life. We were not expecting any of them to die, so their deaths left us stunned and filled with the normal set of questions that every family faces when several unexpected deaths occur in rapid succession.

Mom (Vera) died on April 23, 1978, at the age of 68. After surgery on a Friday morning and the shocking news that her cancer had spread and that there was no chance for her survival came the Sunday morning when she took her last breath and prepared to meet God. I am sure that God received her well and welcomed her into His kingdom. She was a deeply religious person – who led a saintly life on earth! We had no doubts that she would receive her eternal and heavenly reward! However, she had been the caregiver for my dad for the previous 11 years. He was the one who we now needed to care for. God provided, as He always does!

Dad (Lou) moved to my brother Richie’s house on Long Island, where he was living at that time. He and his wife, Carol, tried to offer him a new beginning. They did the best they could to make his new home a pleasant experience. However, Dad missed his wife and grieved quietly and stoically. On November 9, 1978, we got a call that Dad died of a massive heart attack – a euphemism for a broken heart! Our greatest comfort was that he would be reunited with his wife after only six and a half months of separation.

My brother Tom’s death on January 17, 1980, came as the greatest shock of all. Injured in a car accident 17 days prior, we thought he was on the road to recovery. With a broken clavicle, a broken pelvis, and several other injuries, along with a planned vigorous rehab program, he was determined to get himself up and back to work. He was a religion teacher at Christ the King High School in Middle Village, NY. At the age of 31, no one saw this coming. The outpouring of love and support from family, friends, fellow teachers, and students was overwhelming! Tom was having difficulty dealing with Mom’s death, so again, our faith kicked into the reality of their heavenly reunion in God’s plan!

Even with faith, it was difficult, but I cannot even begin to imagine what it would have been without faith. Our faith tells us that they have gone home, and we are the wanderers. Our faith is the anchor we hold on to when life throws us curveballs. Each of us grieves in his or her own way, and that’s okay! There is no set timetable for the work of grieving to be finished, and that’s okay too!

The best way to deal with bereavement and mourning the death of dear family members and close friends is to rely on God, who is asking us to: “Come to Him when we have a burden to carry;” keep the memories alive and continue to tell the stories; ask for and allow others to help us with their love, their support, their prayers, and their patience. If grieving is the price we pay for loving, it’s worth it and much more!