Learning to Forgive – It takes a Lifetime!

“To err is human; to forgive is divine” was written by Alexander Pope in a 1711 poem. I guess, perhaps, that is why we find it so very difficult to forgive those who have hurt us; sinned against us; humiliated us; and betrayed us. We are not God! God’s forgiveness is truly unconditional and without reservation.

Catholics experience God’s forgiveness each time they approach the Sacrament of Reconciliation, also called Penance, and commonly known as Confession. Catholics believe that the priest, in the confessional, takes the place of Christ and so it is God, through the priestly ministry, who extends His mercy, His pardon, and His peace to the penitent! God provides a way for us to make peace with Him and with each other. Growing up as a young person in the 1950s and 1960s, I can remember long lines for confession. Although this is not the case today, we still have many people who do make use of the sacrament in a sincere and devout way. A wise priest-friend, Msgr. John Keppler, gave me some advice years ago which I have used for my ministry: “Always make it easy for people to come to confession” he said. What he meant was, they already have enough fear, remorse, guilt, etc. Make them feel like they are meeting Christ who is offering them His peace. Or to put it another way, be there to relieve not to add to their burden.

At the beginning of each Mass, we celebrate the Penitential Rite… a brief calling to mind of our faults and failures and an awareness of God’s pardon and peace. Although the Penitential Rite is not a sacramental confession, it does add to our understanding of God’s desire to hear our pleas for His mercy.

But, let’s face it, we are human beings who find it difficult to let go of the past and go forward into the future. God forgives generously, willingly, consistently, and gently. If only we could forgive one quarter of the way that God forgives, it would be a step in the right direction! Jesus’ words “pray for your enemies” is a good place to start and a constant reflection on the lifetime task of developing our capacity to truly forgive those who have offended us while at the same time, asking pardon for the ways we have hurt others. Our sins of commission and of omission are matters of confession that call us to prayer and reflection.

I know from my own spiritual journey that I do not forgive easily! It takes work! And while I am in awe of wonder of God’s constant forgiveness of me, I ask myself why can’t I be as forgiving to others as God is to me? I turn to St. Teresa of Calcutta (Mother Teresa) for my inspiration. She said “I forgive people but that does not mean that I accept their behavior or trust them again. I forgive them for me so that I can let go and move on with my life.” So even though Mother Teresa’s words might seem self-centered, I am trying to follow her advice as I get better at forgiveness. As I get older – I am beginning to do it for me and ultimately for my God.